The Ugly Truth - Breastfeeding

I've been thinking about this post since before I started my blog. 

For me, writing is a way to really sort out my feelings and it helps me figure things out. However, I have started this blog post - oh - maybe 4 different times. 

Right now, I'm working on this during breaks in my daily power pumping session AND trying to balance work. The blog is for my sanity and the job is for the paycheck, but also my sanity. 

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I really dislike breastfeeding. Some days, I'd even say I hated it. No one prepared me for this part of my journey in motherhood. I mean, I find about 97% of it annoying. But I'd do anything for that wonderful Bear Cub of mine. 

Yes. There is all this pressure in the world to breastfeed your baby and for me, it was a no brainer. It's better for my baby - of course that's what I'm going to do. 

The doctor's tell you all the benefits for the baby, they tell you all the benefits for you, but no one really told me how fucking hard it was going to be. Yes. I saw my sister-in-law struggle with her second child and I knew that was a thing - but what I didn't know was how COMMON a thing it was. Not her struggle but the struggle. 

Earlier this week, I had lunch with my one real local mom friend and we talked about how sucky breastfeeding is and how no one really prepared us for it. I mean, it really is this conspiracy - like why didn't any of you mothers out there WARN me about this? Why didn't that breastfeeding class I took address it? I mean, I still would be doing it. It wouldn't have changed my mind. If anything, it would've let me know that I was normal.  

So - this me telling you (you the reader who hasn't had a baby yet or who is the partner of someone expecting) that breastfeeding is probably going to suck (no pun intended) A LOT. It is NOT a magical journey down a sun-speckled path through a field of daises that you and your child are going to go down together. Sure. Maybe it is for some, but you lot are the lucky few. 

Breastfeeding is like a legit quest. There are SO MANY struggles that you, as a mom, have to overcome - and ultimately overcome alone. Yes. Your partner (if you have one) will be there to support you, but it is your body and your mental health and you are the one hooked up to the pump 4 times a day at work and your breasts are the ones that can't stray too far from your infant. 

It took until my baby was almost 3 months old that someone finally said something that clicked for me. 

"There is no wrong way to feed your baby."

That is my mantra when I'm power pumping to get my supply up. If I can't make enough milk, my baby will be okay on formula. I am winning at being a mom by just doing the best that I can. Anything beyond that is extra.

And then, there's this picture:

I took this picture from the photographer's webpage . This image has shown up on my Facebook News feed and is the one I picture when I'm struggling with a feeding. It's what I imagine when I start to stress out about my supply level. This image is one of the things that keeps me going. 

Later I'll share some of the details of my particular "journey." Really, I'm going to start calling it my breastfeeding quest - the image of me as a badass knight fighting dragons to get my son his milk is a much more realistic and motivating image than what I thought breastfeeding would be. 

So, readers, share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below. Maybe you are one of those lucky few that had a delightful time breastfeeding. Maybe it was awful. What got you through the days where you just didn't know if you could do it anymore? Feel free to share.